Laura Prepon is a Scientologist. And then it gets worse.

• Monday, November 7, 2011
Haven't done a lot of work in the past couple days. Hence the long lull between posts.

I've actually kind of been sleeping like a normal person lately, a not uncommon occurrence when you think that the usual "up-all-night/sleep-all-day" lifestyle does occasionally lend to catch-up days where you find yourself crashing hard and waking up at seven or eight o'clock in the morning. Once you're awake at that time of day, it's kind of... difficult to not start dozing off around nine. Personally, the whole experience is a bit of a miserable one as far as I'm concerned, the morning not particularly being my friend, what with the nausea and the crabbiness [yes, yes, how can I tell?], and the weird sensitivity to light, sound I have anytime I stick my head out the door before ten o'clock.

Which, I guess is fine. I stick to my dark little cave of a room for the opening hours of the day, and that's not so bad because the cat is still settling in, and I figure as much time as I can take, bonding with him, that's good. I don't have a lot of experience with older pets, most of mine started as puppies or kittens or whatever you call baby hamsters, so this is all kind of new, and I don't really expect to change any of his habits at this point, I just sort of want him... comfortable here, and comfortable with me, and I want to be comfortable with him too. I have always been a coward at heart, and would not put it past myself to become gun shy about interacting with a creature who was physically smaller than me.

I've done a little writing. Had an idea for a comic that I wrote the opener too. I like writing openers, beginnings, even though a lot of mine look the same, there's something fun about carving out the world, or the scene, or trying to figure out how you're going to introduce everything. Halloween must have hit me, because this was kind of a horror-themed thing, and I got a couple pages out of it. And I think I could actually do all of it, but I'm just...

I mean, part of it is just the general hang-up I've talked about a lot here. And the other part is, since college, well since a certain point in college, I've kind of wanted everything I do to have some sort of message, or personal oomph behind it. I feel like it's important to have something to say, something that's a part of myself, even if it's just a little something in a much bigger something that doesn't have anything to do with that. And that doesn't necessarily mean that whatever I'm doing is about me, just that there's some bit of something personal in it. It probably sounds ridiculous, but that's the sort of thing that tends to separate my work from more mindless, Tarantino-esque rip-off pulp.

I don't know. It's that age-old question if something is worthwhile if it's self-indulgent, or just for fun. There will be tons of people who say it is, and there will be tons who say it isn't, and there will be a few - a blessed few - who don't think of it at all, and are probably better for it. And for their sake, I wouldn't bring it up at all, but those people probably also stopped reading a couple paragraphs ago when my hand-wringing started.

Anyway. I'm mid-book review, and I have more waiting-room intensive errands this week than usual, so who knows what kind of work could get done. Then again, I was also supposed to be sorting out some of the clutter in my life. Decisions, decisions. Have to wait and see.

Best.

2 comments:

John Wiswell said...

The question of whether something is worthwhile if it's just self-indulgent will probably last another age, until we're all digital and things are decided by sub-protocols for us. But for now perhaps we can jerry-rig a second question onto it: is it okay to do something self-indulgent if you wouldn't do anything else with the time otherwise? Might be better to finish your own Hobo With A Shotgun by the end of the year rather than end the year with nothing finished. It's a conundrum that paralyzed me for a long time.

Randall said...

Good question! Sounds like you found a solution, I hope you'll be up for sharing.